


How can you create when you haven't been able to Dream?

by QueenLawyer



Category: Sanders Sides
Genre: Anxiety, Gen, Remus is mentioned but its super breif, Self-Isolation, Virgil is super anxious in this but like its him sooo, creative block
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-01
Updated: 2020-02-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:15:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22516075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenLawyer/pseuds/QueenLawyer
Summary: Roman has been in his room for a while, trying to come up with a good idea for the video. Which is fine, he's done this before. And it's not like the other sides really understand the imagination. But it's been a really long time for the next idea, and the other sides couldn't help but worry. But it's fine, Roman will be fine. Right?
Relationships: Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders & Logic | Logan Sanders
Comments: 2
Kudos: 34





	How can you create when you haven't been able to Dream?

**Author's Note:**

> I know it's not my superhero series, which I'll get back to soon, but I had this idea for a canon-verse fic that I really want to write. So thanks for reading this, I hope everyone enjoys it! Leave a comment if you like it!

It was hard not to worry about Roman sometimes. He spent so incredibly long times in his rooms, trying to come up with new ideas. It wasn’t like it was any secret that Roman’s ideas weren’t up to his normal standard. More time spent in his room, and less time spent around his family. And it’s not as if Thomas barely getting sleep lately and doubting himself was helping anything.

But Roman didn’t exactly respond well to criticism. And suggestions to improve his ideas were always seen as personal attacks on his character. He was the ego, after all. And it’s not as if they could just pop on over to his room to check on him, Roman always heads over to the imagination to figure things out. He could be there anytime from a few hours to a couple days. And it’s not like the non-creative sides could just enter the Imagination. (They asked Remus, but all he did was start laughing and then he ate out of the trash.) There really wasn’t anything to do other than wait for him to come back with a new idea.

However this time it was taking an outrageous amount of time. Roman had almost been in there for a couple weeks at this point, it was becoming absolutely ridiculous. And everyone else was getting antsy. 

Virgil paced restlessly around the mind palace, mumbling to himself. “He’s still in there, isn’t he? He should be out by now, why isn’t he out by now. It’s my fault isn’t it. It has to be.”

Logan glanced up from going over Thomas’ schedule to give Virgil a look, “Please enlighten me on how Roman being in his room for a prolonged amount of time is in any way your fault.”

“I’ve put too much pressure onto him! I’ve always blamed him when we don’t have a good video idea, and now he is stuck in his room!” Virgil stopped pacing for a moment as his eyes widened in horror, “What if he never leaves his room? What if he stays there forever, stuck in the imagination? Oh god what have I done!”

“Virgil!” Patton ran over from the kitchen area. He softly grabbed his hands. “Virgil, this isn’t your fault, alright? Roman is just having a bit of a rough patch right now, but just watch! I’m sure that he’ll come out soon, and be the shining prince that we all know and love!”

Virgil took a deep breath through his nose. “I - Ok. You’re right Pat. He’ll be back soon, he has to be. It’s just-” Virgil peered into the kitchen. “Patton, how many things have you baked?”   


The kitchen counters were filled with pastries of all types. Cakes, pies, muffins, cookies - oh so many types of cookies - they were all spread out across all of the countertops. There was even an island to fit everything that was not there previously. 

Patton blushed, “Well, you know, I’ve been so restless! Might as well try to do something with my hands. You know, just keeping busy.”

“...Stress baking.”   


“You could call it that. I prefer to call it ‘Patton’s super cool baking extravaganza!” 

Logan now gave a look to Patton. “That is not what extravaganza means, Patton.”

“I’ll be honest, I really don’t know what it means, I just thought it sounded neat.”

Logan pinched his nose, “The infuriating inaccuracies aside, something really must be done about Roman. Him not coming up with any ideas has put us much farther behind schedule than I am comfortable with.”

“Logan!” Patton’s hands were on his hips and he giving Logan his disappointed dad glare. “You shouldn’t speak like that! Roman is having a rough time and we shouldn’t put pressure on him!”   


“Patton, I sympathize with Roman, but that does not change the facts that we require new videos for revenue. We can only gain so much financial benefits from ad revenue from our previous videos and our merch store, especially if we haven’t added any new products recently. We are going to have to produce  _ something _ soon. Preferably on the main channel, as that would gain a much greater amount of attention and views.”

“Wait are we going to be broke! Will we have to move out of the apartment! Thomas won’t survive being homeless, he’s too nice!”

“Virgil deep breaths. There is a long way to go before getting to that point. We may have to cancel a few subscriptions. Hardly a fatal loss. However, I strongly suggest something being done soon to remedy the situation.”

Virgil dragged his hoodie over his face. “Ugh I  _ really _ hate this. I need to not be thinking about this. If I think about this for another second, I’m going to have a panic attack. Again.”   


Patton smiled and clapped his hands together, “Oh, we can go in my room and cuddle! Oh we can paint each others nails and watch movies oh it’s going to be so much fun. Let’s go!” Patton started to head in the direction of his room, before quickly turning around towards the kitchen, grabbing a mitten, pulling out some muffins, and then turning off the oven. “Ok, now let’s go!” And with that Patton looped his arm with Virgil and started to drag him off.

“Logan are you coming? You could use a break.”

Logan blinked a few times, then glanced over at Patton and Virgil. “Oh, no thank you. Perhaps next time. I’ll take a break from the schedule, but I really must keep working.”

Patton frowned, but must of realized that Logan would likely not listen to anything to pull him away. Patton pulled Virgil away with a mental note to check on Logan later. 

Once Patton and Virgil had disappeared from his line of sight, Logan made his way towards Roman’s room. He stood in front of the large, deep-red, wooden door with it’s detailed gold finishes. The door was every bit as dramatic as it’s owner. Really, there was no need to be this dramatic. But this did mean that the old fashioned lock was a bit easier to pick. Within a few moments, and with the help from a book on the topic, Logan was able to pick the lock on the door.

He eagerly put his hand on the brass handle, but he hesitated, for just a moment. Should he really be going into Roman’s room without permission? Their rooms weren’t just rooms, they were extensions of themselves, the most true essence of what they were as the sides of Thomas. Did he really have a right to barge in on Roman?

Well, it’s not as if there was any sort of progress being made just sitting there and hoping things would get better. Whether Roman becomes mad at him or not, things simply aren’t getting done, and that just isn’t sustainable. Being in the imagination wasn’t helping anyone, and something needed to change. He just hopes that he won’t be swept up in whatever unnecessary flights of fancy that Roman has no doubt dreamed up.

He pushed Roman’s door open.

Well. That’s not what he was expecting. He had thought it might be a room you might see in a castle, with historically inaccurate details and oversaturated colors. Or maybe an open field, where he could discover adventure in any direction. 

There were some parts of the room that were unexpected, but perhaps not very surprising. The room seemed to be constantly shifting, as if there was nothing really solid. Things could change in a single moment, never the same again and completely fluid. There was a curtain halfway across the room, likely to divide Roman’s side from Remus’. And in some sense, the room was rather grand with lofty ceilings and the towering windows. 

But Logan did not expect in any way for the windows to viewing dark and stormy clouds, or for there to be such an incredibly poor and sullen lighting in the room. And he definitely didn’t expect to see Roman, sitting hunched over on his desk, surrounded by piles and piles of crumpled up paper, and most definitely not adventuring in some fantasy land. 

“Roman?”

Roman suddenly jerked up from his desk and turned wide-eyed at Logan. He could see how incredibly tired that Roman worked, with dark circles under his eyes to compete against Virgil’s, and his face incredibly pale. Well at least Logan noticed that until Roman fell over, toppling onto the floor. “Logan! Wha- How did you get in?”   


“I picked your lock.”

“You did what?!”

“That’s not important right now. What’s important is that you have been in here for entirely too long! Do you have any idea how worried Patton and Virgil have been?”   


“Wait what? What do you mean - how long has it been?”   


“It has been approximately two weeks, three days, six hours, twenty-one minutes, and twelve seconds, thirteen seconds, fourteen seconds, fifteen seconds, sixte-”

“Ok! I get it! Just say a while, jeez.”

“...Roman, when exactly was the last time you ate something?”   


Roman looked down and started counting on his fingers. Logan stopped him when he started counting on his second hand. “Clearly much too long. Alright, we’re leaving your room and getting you some food.”

“No! No, I can’t, I won’t! I can’t let anyone see me like this! I can’t leave until I’m better!” Roman curled up on himself, looking small and terrified.   


Logan frowned, but choose to ignore the end of the statement for the time being. “Alright, however I would prefer for you to leave this room. It cannot be healthy for you to stay here for such a long time. We can go into my room, it would at the very least encourage logical thought. Go there and I’ll bring you some food.”

Roman stood still for a while, before avoiding his eyes and nodding.

“Alright, I’ll be back in a moment with some food.” With that Logan left towards the kitchen. He had so many questions, nothing was like he expected it to be. But as much as it pains him, Roman and his health had to be his priority. He somehow seemed to be even worse off now.

He grabbed a couple muffins that Patton had baked, among other things, and headed back towards Roman. And found him sitting back at his desk, frantically scribbling something. “Roman!”

Roman stayed scribbling like that for a moment, before realizing that Logan had come back, “Oh hey Logan.”

Logan’s eye twitched in an effort to not roll his eyes at Roman. “Don’t ‘oh hey Logan’ me! What are you doing?” 

“I’m trying to find an idea! Isn’t that what I’m supposed to be doing?” Roman blinked, confused.

Logan breathed softly through his nose. “Just- let’s just go to my room.”   


They both sunk down into Logan’s room, and Logan guided Roman to the bed. He handed him the muffins. “Here, Patton made them.”

Roman reached towards them, but hesitated, “I thought you said that we shouldn’t eat in bed?”

“I’ll make an exception, just this once. Just eat.”

Roman softly took one of the muffins, and broke a small portion off, and began to nibble on it. They sat there for a while, Logan wanting for Roman to eat some food before asking him some questions. Roman was about halfway through the first muffin before putting it to the side. “Ok, go ahead. Ask your questions, Specs.”

Logan blushed at being so obvious, but continued on anyways, “Well, I must admit that I am a bit confused about something. Well, a numerous amount of things about this situation that you found yourself in, but one in particular stands out. Why were you not in the imagination?”

Roman took a deep breath, as if he was steeling himself for an attack. “I never go into the imagination. It’s not a real place.”

“Wait what? How could it not be real, you go there all the time?”

Roman moved his hands together, “It’s not a real physical place. Well, as physical as anything here can be I guess. It’s not something I can really enter. It’s kinda just how Thomas is able to see all of my dreams. But I can’t really control it. It just exists. As a sort extensions of my, and Remus’ I guess, thoughts and dreams.”   


“Alright, I believe I have some grasp on what the imagination actually is then. However, another question is prompted from this. Where exactly do you go when you go your ‘adventures?’”

“I brainstorm just like anyone else. I sit down at my desk, and I try to work, to come up with some ideas that are worthy of Thomas, that are worth something. It usually works! But I’m not coming up with anything anymore!” Roman’s motions became much more dramatic and exaggerated. “Everything I come up with is worthless! It’s not worth the ink and paper I write them on! There’s something I’m doing wrong, I just need to figure out exactly what it is! And then I’ll be back!”

Logan sat for a moment, absorbing what Roman was telling him. Then he came to a realization, but for once a realization that he would have preferred to have never realized. “Ah. So all of this hiding in your room, this is all  _ my _ fault.”   


“What? Logan no, why would any of this be your fault? This is all on me! I’m the creative side, it’s my job to be able to come up with ideas! It’s not your fault that I haven’t been able to come up with anything!”   


“Roman. It is no secret that I have a tendency to rush you to come up with ideas. I suppose it’s just part of who I am. As the logical side, I often focus too much on the schedule and lose sight of some of the other things that we are attempting to do here. But I am not blind to the fact that it has caused unnecessary pressure as of late to both you and Thomas.”

Roman turned and smile at Logan. “It’s alright Logan. I’m not going to lie and say that it’s never hard. But without you, I can’t even imagine where we would be.”

A small smile fell across Logan’s face. “I see your point. Everything would surely be disastrous without me. I’m sure it would be instantly chaos. Do you know what the biggest problem with this current block that you have.”   


Roman’s eyes looked to the ceiling, as if trying to find inspiration from the sky above. “Nothing I ever create is ever going to be good enough. I feel like I haven’t even been able to dream properly. I just want whatever I create enough to be good enough, to not get torn down when I... aaand what are you doing?”

Logan had stood up and was looking through his bookshelves. “Looking for a book on helping creative blocks. Ah, here we go.” He grabbed a book off the shelf and quickly flipped through it. “Alright I have read the book, and am now better equipped to help you. It seems to me that your problem seems that being stuck in this routine that just simply isn’t helping your creative process any more.”   


“Yeah ok, but what exactly do you want me to do about it?”   


“Yes, good point.” Logan put the book back into the shelf and started pacing his room. “I shall have to ruminate on this a good deal more, about a more permanent solution to this issue. But for now, I know that Patton and Virgil are having one of their sleepovers at the moment. Joining them may temporarily be able to alleviate some of the problems that you are having.”

Roman looked down at his hands. He didn’t really think that it would actually be able to help him, but he guessed that it couldn’t hurt. And if he was being honest, he really missed his family. Patton’s warm hugs and his smile he would break out when he was about to deliver his puns, Virgil’s banter with him and arguing with him about the majesty that is Disney movies, heck he even missed all of the arguments that he would have with Logan. “Alright, but you have to come too.”   


Logan looked at his books for a moment, “I really shouldn’t Roman. I really should do some more in depth research on the topic in order to assist you better.”

Roman groaned loudly, “Ugh Logan just come join us already!”   


“Roman I really shouldn’t-”   


“I won’t go if you don’t.”

Logan glared at Roman. “That is a very low blow.”

Roman gave him a cocky grin. “So? What are you going to do about it?”

Logan continued to glare at him until bowing his head and giving up. “I’m grabbing the Crofters thumbprint cookies.”

* * *

Virgil was in Patton’s room, and at least being around Patton was making him slightly less nervous. Slightly. His anxiety had skyrocketed through the roof a long time ago, and was continuing its steady climb towards space. He was trying not to make the energy in the room terrible, but he’s been so incredibly nervous lately, he just needs Roman to  _ come back _ .

“Sorry,” he apologized for what was probably for the millionth time, as his shaking hands messed up the nail polish that Patton was putting on him.

“Shush kiddo, it’s fine. I don’t mind.” Patton just gave him an incredibly warm smile, and Virgil just felt so bad. He deserved to be around someone better than him. 

“Pat, really I -”

_ KNOCK KNOCK _ .

“Hold that thought kiddo.” Patton put the nail polish to the side and went to the door. “Must be Logan, he must want to get the Lo-down on our little party here!”   


Virgil rolled eyes and turned away, hiding his smile. So he didn’t see what Patton saw when he opened the door.

Logan was there, just like he thought. But someone else was there. Someone he had missed so much, it made his chest hurt. Who he’s known has been hurting, but he hasn’t been able to help. Someone who understood him and his emotions better than the others ever could. And they were just standing outside, looking tired and wearing a worn-out smile, but there.

“Hey there Patto-  _ oof _ .” Roman was interrupted as a blue blur launched at him, hugging him close and showing no signs of ever wanting to let go. Roman staggered back to catch the sudden weight, that was hanging onto him like a koala. 

“Roman! I missed you so much! Never go away again!” Patton was sobbing, but he didn’t even care. Roman needed to know how much he was loved, and he needed to know right now. “I love you so much Ro! You’re so amazing and talented and smart and brave and amazing and I love you!”   


Roman laughed, the first time he had in a long time. “Alright Pat! I love you too!” Patton allowed Roman to place him back on his feet, only to see Virgil still on the ground staring at him in shock. 

“Virge, I -” Roman’s jaw snapped shut as put a hand up and stood up. He walked over to Roman, looking at him in disbelief. Then he socked him in the arm.

“Hey! What was that for!”   


“That was for making me worry about you, dumbass!” Then Virgil wrapped him in a hug. It felt different than Patton’s hug. His felt so warm and you couldn’t help but feel warm wrapped in one of his hugs. This hug felt different, as if the hug was so desperate and as if Virgil needed to make sure that Roman wasn’t going to disappear on him. 

He had no idea that him being gone hurt them so much. He can’t do this to them again.

“What’s that for Doctor Gloom?”   


“Nothing, shut up.” Virgil pulled away from the hug and stuffed his hands in his jacket, but he was still smiling so it was safe to say that he was pretty happy.

They spent the night hanging out, painting each others nails, gosping, watching Disney movies, eating Crofters cookies, and overall just existed around each other. They easily fell back together, bantering and teasing each other. Of course they did, they loved each other. The hurt from Roman’s absence would be mended with each smile and kind act towards each other.

And Roman? That night, for the first time in such a long while, Roman was able to dream.


End file.
